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Ricka2004
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Name: Erica
Country: United States
State: Maine
Metro: Bangor
Birthday: 8/7/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: more like Loves: Jesus, SOCCER, killing animals (such as moose), grocery shopping, Hilda's, Rachel, Jen, Gabby, Bel-Air, Tastee Freeze, my bed, children, (NOT children IN my bed...sicko), cafe keswick, getting my groove on, spam camp, Hot Harry's, Tyler Street Pizza, stand up comedy, St. John Valley, orange dragonfruit capri sun, and the lake
Expertise: actually saying what is on everyone else's mind when they're too afraid to say it, catching bridal bouquets, dressing mannequins, memorizing the floor plans of various malls throughout the country, and stickin it to the man.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
Member Since:
5/6/2005
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| i don't really write on here anymore...as much as I'd like to I just can't find the time. However I'm going through some really rough times right now and just need a place to vent so I'm coming to old faithful xanga. i don't even know what i'm going to write so it probably won't make much sense but oh well. i'm just getting it out.
i've never been so frustrated in my life. i have no idea where God wants me to be or what he wants me to do, I just know that I don't want to be stuck in freaking Bangor, Maine making 7.55 an hour for the rest of my life. I can't express how much I frigging HATE HATE HATE school but I've been in friggin college for 4 years because everyone insisted that "there's more for me than day-care or hair school". and just continuing school wasn't enough....people were disappointed that I chose to go to Orono instead of a Christian college and I'm so sick of the judgment I've felt from not continuing at a private Christian school. People even told me my faith wasn't strong enough to last at a secular school. (thanks so much for that encouragement). Well guess what I tried the christian school route and it would take me another year and a half and 40,000 dollars to get a stinkin associates degree. I know I have to trust that God has what's best for me...but my whole life I've been doing what other people tell me they think is best for me, and when I think about what I really want to do I feel ZERO sense of direction. What I want is to be a wife and mother and raise an amazing family with a godly husband who loves me...so what the heck am I supposed to do with my life while I wait for that dream to come true? I know I'm supposed to use my time of singleness to serve God but I feel like there is nothing here for me. I have a church that I love but am hardly ever there because I'm always gone on the weekends. I joined Campus Crusade for opportunities to serve but it honestly just felt like a huge clique that I could never be a part of from day 1. A couple people made the effort to get to know me and I consider them good friends but a lot of students who I saw in church or on campus couldn't even take the time to say hi. I've also been told that I could never go to Honduras and could never be a missionary (thanks for that encouragement , too). I remember one time someone was like "well you've never even been before." awesome reason. I'm so sick of hearing comments about my weight. I know people say things out of genuine concern and I understand but I'm just tired of it. I didn't lose weight on purpose and I probably never will. I really don't feel like going into why I got so thin but I'm just going to say it was one of the hardest times in my life that I hope I never go through again and pretty much every time someone mentions how small I am I want to cry. I really haven't lost any weight all summer so what you see now is a result of me working 40 hours a week not having the time to sit on my butt and eat all day and most of the time not having enough money to fill the cupboards. Sometimes it was all I could do to afford gas to get to school or work and back but people still made me feel guilty for not going to visit them very often. well guess what my car has over 100,000 miles on it, needs an oil change, and you don't need me to tell you that gas prices are ridiculous. I've already spent enough time being broke from road trips and as far as I know my phone service is working fine....yet no one ever makes the effort to call me. I'm sick of pretending I'm doing alright when I'm really on the verge of an emotional breakdown every two seconds. I'm sick of waiting I'm sick of hurting I'm sick of crying and I'm tired of being one of the nicest people I know but I can never catch a break. I would do anything for anyone (and most of the time I do) but when I need a favor in return the crowd scatters. I'm so disappointed in myself for even writing this because I know people will read it and think that my faith is totally down the hole.
I know all the religious jargon and I can tell you all the "treasures in heaven" I'm storing up. I can name a hundred verses telling me that God hears my prayer. I KNOW He is faithful and I know He'll get me through this. I know where my hope is and I know who my source of strength is. I know all about Job and I know what I'm going through doesn't hurt any more than a crown of thorns or a nail through the wrist. I know God loves me and wants the very best for me, and I know I just need to be patient and wait for whatever that is. But sometimes its just really really really hard.
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| 1. being single is only fun if you have single friends.
2. life is never that simple
3. or a fairy tale
4. opposites attract but it probably won't last long.
5. in my case, not longer than a couple months | | |
| LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
the holidays!!!!!!!!!
such a wonderful cheery precious time of year
also the only time of year i can listen to christmas music in my car and people won't ask me why i'm listening to NSync "merry christmas, happy holidays" in the middle of june. | | |
| days almost over but its never too late.
I'm in the Berks! So excited to be with Jennifer Anne ....but its weird not spending it with my family. oh well.
I hate registering for classes. defnitely should have done it on the 13th but whatever.
hmm so how's my life?
Overall pretty awesome. I just love life and I'm happy to be alive. There's always something there to stress me out but I try not to let it get to me...I have a bad habit of ignoring things so the problem worsens instead of just dealing with it and nipping it in the bud.
Whenever I say nip it in the bud I just wanna say nip it in the butt.
I got asked out by a total stranger to the Lenox high school semi-formal. Its on Dec. 8th. Most 21 year olds would probably think that is the most loser-ish thing to do of all time, but I think it would make a pretty good story. I told him if he didn't have a date by the 1st I would go. But gas is so freaking expensive I probably won't be able to afford coming back down here again so soon. However, he's loaded...maybe I'll just tell him to throw a tank of gas in there.
c'est la vie | | |
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